Colon Choses Food over a Ring

El Gordo went to the Dominican Republic on a personal matter and would not return to pitch in the Sox bullpen. There have been reports that he was mad about not getting put back in the rotation, but Fenway West has learned he is staying in his homeland to re-fat. His work in Pawtucket has caused him to lose some of his trademark belly and people were even starting to change his nickname from el Gordo to el Gordito. With a reputation to uphold, Colon has started a month long feast that should have him back over 3 bills in no time. Sidney Ponson will be joining him once the Yankees are eliminated on Sunday.